Monday, 14 January 2013

Big decisions are not easy.

Right so its 14/01/2013 and to be honest I am hopelessly far behind on work. I'm not even going to bother with excuses because I know exactly why that's the case. Me.
Basically a few months before Xmas I decided I didn't want to continue with the course, for various reasons. At the time I was up to date on work and doing ok, but this was a massive decision I had to make and I put alot of thought into it. It wasn't an easy choice to make and I took alot of time over it but in the end I made my mind up. So I stopped doing my course work, 3D, drawings and blogs included and started looking for a job. Unfortunately I didn't make my feelings known to everyone else until the Xmas assessment, which was a big mistake, but basically I didn't want to feel like a complete waste of space by telling people I wanted to 'give up' which is what it felt like.

What I wasn't expecting was being encouraged to stay on the course and at least getting year 2 finished. So I was given the chance to catch up on work over the Xmas break. I completely understand that finishing the 2nd year is a good idea, the sensible idea, but I just can't get that through to my brain. I made a huge decision to leave and my brain made its mind up and now I'm finding it incredibly difficult to swing that back round and getting myself to do work. Over the Xmas break I have been working, pretty much 10 - 16 hours Mon-Fri at Royal Mail, which turns out is an extremely tiring job, especially on the night shifts. So I just didnt have the energy to get any coursework done.
Which leaves me in the position I am in right now. I would stay on the course and at least get this year done and dusted before leaving, but how do I pull it back after getting nothing done for almost 4 months? I think about all the work I am behind on and just feel like dieing. There doesn't feel like anyway I could possibly get everything done, (especially as I am still working occasionally). Even if I did just get on with it, what do I focus on, the new work we have just been given or catching up on the weeks of work I'm behind on. I just have no idea.

To make matters even worse, my brain is still just going "no, no, no, no f**k it. K thanks"

Just shoot me now.

1 comment:

  1. We probably need to have a proper conversation about this.